After my recent bashing on Stripperweb http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=100227 by two pessimistic crackheads who don’t have a clue about the leverage of money and are dead set in following outdated advice of “go to school, get a job, and hope your employer/government gives you a pension” I decided to move the discussion here where I can speak freely and not worry about hurting someone’s precious feelings and/or have my words twisted like a Chinese Acrobat.  That’s right, it’s my blog and I can say whatever the heck I want to say.  And if you are here (again on MY blog) you probably agree with me somewhat or feel I am credible enough to read my blog.

I’m also so technologically handicapped that I couldn’t figure out how to attach a word document to the Stripperweb Thread.  (Just another example of how you don’t have to be SMART to make money!)  And for the record….being a waitress does not qualify as a cash-flow business.  If you are a waitress you are an employee that makes cash tips. The restaurant you work for may be a cash flow business if it makes more money than it spends on labor, food, utilities, advertising, etc.  That is called positive cash flow.

I spent a good 2 hours on Salary.com researching the Bell Curve Statistics of Professional salaries.  If you are not a statistician, let me explain.  In this case the bell curve measures the distribution of salaries from the lowest 10th percentile, the middle 50th percentile, and the highest 90th percentile.  The bell curve measures data more accurately than an average does.  The average is a poor measurement of data because one very high or one very low number can completely skew your average.  (Snooze, snooze….I was a math teacher remember???)

All Figures are Given in Thousands of Dollars except M means Million.

I included baseball players because it cracks me up how these Minor League guys waltz into the Strip Club during Spring Training.  They love to tell the doorstaff that they should get in for free because they’re baseball players, and they think the girls should give them free dances because they’re baseball players.  The new girls eat it up because they think they’re sitting on the lap of the next Derek Jeter.  Uh….nope….homeboy is only making $2500 a month!! Also notice that even though the newspapers report that the average baseball salary is 2 million, most of that money is going to the top players like Bonds, Jeter, Sosa, etc.  The majority of the guys in the league are pulling $385K.  Not too shabby…but a far cry from the “average” 2 million.

What I found most depressing was the salaries for higher education.  Everyone knows public school teachers don’t make much money…but university professors aren’t far behind.  Look at the salary range for University Deans!  These are some of the brightest minds in the world…and they’re not making much more than a titty dancer??

It drives home the fact that EDUCATION does not equal MONEY anymore.  I wish I could change that equation but I can not.  Going to school, getting an advanced degree does not guarantee you a safe job with a pension.

Now, suppose you are saying to yourself, well, I’m not the college type, so none of this really applies to me.  Well, hopefully this information helps you realize HOW LUCKY you are to be in a situation where you own your own positive cash flow business.  (That’s right, being a stripper is a business.  You can incorporate or form an LLC, or just consider yourself an independent contractor filing a Schedule C.  Regardless, the government taxes you like a business, so you’d better run yourself like one.)

If you are reading this and thinking to yourself, “I’m a Subsistence Stripper, but I want to become a SuperStripper”  CONGRATULATIONS! Making the conscious decision to improve yourself and your business is the first step!  If the pudgy geek who ruined the curve on the math and science tests and didn’t have a date to the prom (uhhh….thats me!!) can do it….SO CAN YOU!

If you are reading this and whining, “But I don’t waaaaaaaaaant to be a stripper til I’m 40″  Thats okay too.  I’m not here to tell anyone that it’s better to be a stripper or a lawyer.  That is a personal choice. I don’t care what YOU want to do…I just care what I want to do and I want to help other like-minded individuals experience the same wonderful things that Stripping has allowed me to do….like making A LOT of money.

Lets use the above statistics to compare and contrast a Superstripper who makes 100K per year and an ohhhh saaaaaay…..an entry level attorney.  I’m only going to use SuperStripper because StudentStripper and JobStripper probably don’t make 100K per year and they probably piss their money away on Louis Vuitton purses and a Leased Mercedes, live in an apartment with 3 other SubsistenceStrippers  in Downtown Snottsdale, appear frequently in the backpages of 944 Magazine, and actually think Stingray Sushi is good (bleh!).

After 10 years the SuperStripper will have a gross income of 1 million dollars.  Since she is a business and can deduct numerous expenses (and she claims EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR that is tucked into her gstring)  I LEGALLY paid 10% in taxes last year.  SuperStrippers pay SuperAccountants who find every legal deduction possible.  So after 10 years, SuperStripper’s net income is $900K

Beginning attorney Level I will have after 5 years in the 10th percentile (65K per annum) and 5 years in the 50th percentile (85K per annum) will gross $750K.  But, as an employee Attorney is not eligible for the same tax deductions as a business owner is..so she is subject to the 28% tax bracket or $210K over 10 years…bringing her total net income to $540K.  That is 40 percent less than the stripper!!!!

I don’t like it either…but the math doesn’t lie!

One could argue that the lawyer has a better quality of life, but that is an opinion.  One could argue that the lawyer can work til he is 60, that is true too, but most lawyers I know want to retire after 10 years of practicing law and would retire if they had the opportunity to do so and not lose their standard of living (right Rich?)  One could also say that it’s unrealistic for a stripper to make 100K per year, but I do and I know some that make twice that!

My arguement is that the SuperStripper has two valuable components that entry level attorney lacks: extra TIME and extra MONEY during her prime wage earning years.  Since SuperStripper has an extra 30 hours a week to research investment deals, she buys low and sells high before the bubble bursts.  SuperStripper also has extra money to pour into her investments because she doesn’t waste it on Louis Vuitton purses and a leased Mercedes.

If this is your first visit to my blog, welcome.  I only LOOK dumb.

I aced the SATs with a 1400, Graduated 7th out of 300 in my high school class.  I had a full ride and graduated Magna Cum Laude from The American University in Washington, DC.  Got my Masters Degree at Cal State Fullerton.  I’m a PhD student at Investools, and I’m currently learning how to be a hedge fund manager from the best coaches in the world.  I’m a card carrying member of Mensa.  I know my shit and I use it to my advantage.  And since I’m from Philly I’m tough as nails and I really don’t care if any sensitive individuals get their feelings hurt because they think I’m picking on them.  I’m not.  I just don’t have time for naysayers and pessimists, I’m too busy making money to waste my time to prove them wrong.

This blog is the rough draft of my book, and the foundation for my stripper education company.  Once a teacher, always a teacher.  I just prefer to teach adults rather than children about the things I excel at…like Stripping and Making Money.  Please feel free to comment, even if you think I’m the crackhead  (which I’m not.)

And did you see that reversal on the Dow, Nasdaq and S&P today?  I bought low, and watched my brokerage account fly back into quadruple digit positive territory!  Nothing like making 3 grand in 30 minutes with the click of a button!

Aug 25

Ever get subliminal messages about a particular subject from random events that have absolutely no connection to the original subject?

I did yesterday when I heard AC/DC ‘s “Money Talks” as the background music on my friend’s financial blog that I religiously follow. 

I hadn’t heard that song in FOREVER!  Fun tune though.  So I flip to Itunes and download it.  Next on the list is “What you do for Money Honey.”  Click, bought that one too.  Bingo!  I’m going to use these as my set list for Friday night.

Whaddya know.  Guy in AC/DC tshirt tips me $100 on stage ”You read my mind.  Money sure does talk ” he says mysteriously.  It’s a good thing he’s handsome, otherwise the entire situation would have been creepy. 

Second song.  He comes back up to the stage and puts another Franklin on the other side of my gstring.  “What will you do for money, honey?”  Ewww, handsome or not, now he’s definately creepy. 

“Um, I’ll let you stick it in my g-string.”  I say as I snap the turquoise spandex around the second Ben, securing the transaction. Wink Wink…. ”and then I’ll smile and walk away.”

Here is a link to the Higley Unified School District‘s Teacher Salary Schedule.  http://www.husd.org/Downloads.aspx?cid=25   I’d be salaried at $36, 053 which is approximately $3,500 less than I was paid in the 1999-2000 school year when I left the teaching profession.

Come on Come on! 

Listen to the money talk!