So, my definition of the Madonna/Whore Complex:

Men classify all women into one of only two categories: either evil sexual temptress, or good and pure saint; a woman has to be one or the other.

Furthermore, men have a desire for a woman who is experienced in the bedroom and unashamed of showing sexual prowess (“whore”), but at the same time desire a woman who is wholesome, clean and nuturing (“madonna”), particularly enough to not be branded a “slut” by his peers.  This leads to him marrying an inexperienced woman, but yearning for and even fulfilling sexual trysts with other,  more sexually gratifying women.

So where did the Madonna/Whore complex come from?

There are three widely accepted theories of behavior that explain the nature of man.   Genetic determinism says your family and DNA did it.  Have you ever met someone who claims their short temper is because “I’m Italian/Hispanic/Brazilian.”  Psychic determinism made popular by Sigmund Freud says that your parents did it to you.  Environmental determinism says society, culture, your bitchy exwife, your bratty teenager, or something in your environment causes you to act the way that you do.

I think the Madonna/Whore Complex is due to having a large population of sexually frustrated people (both men AND women) who were raised to believe that sexual activity or just being sexy is a dirty and shameful act.  This seemingly conflicting desire runs rampant in a puritanistic society like America, where both men and women have been led to believe that women have to either be complete prudes or totally promiscuous.

This is especially true in the Bible Belt where religious conservatives are a social majority.  I have noticed that the contact levels at strip clubs  in several major metropolitan Bible Belt Cities like Memphis, Houston, New Orleans, and Atlanta are much higher than the contact levels in more liberal states.

Now, an astute reader familiar with the three theories of determinism might say: Avalon you started off by saying you don’t believe in behaviorism, how can you blame the Madonna/Whore complex on our puritan society?

Well, I think that we are conditioned by society, but it’s ultimately up to the individual to decide if he/she is going to be determined by it.  Individuals who never venture beyond their tightly knit enclaves of like-minded people tend to be more succeptible to environmental determinism.  Individuals who leave the nest and experience other cultures (a 7 day cruise to the Carribbean doesn’t count) tend to have a greater ability to create their own self determinism.

In my ten years of entertaining men in gentlemen’s clubs, I have come across a legion of American men who suffer from the Madonna/Whore complex.  It fascinates me.  And I exploit it.

Sometimes I use it to control Octopusman’s many tentacles: “Honey, do you have a daughter?  Would you like it if a man your age didn’t follow her directions to grope only the chair?”  Then I collect my $20 and walk away.

On stage I play the role of the seductive temptress who slowly strips off elaborate rhinestone encrusted costumes, bares everything down to a g-string and six inch stilettos, then rolls around in piles of cash for 6 carefully choreographed minutes.  As soon as my 2nd song ends I collect my tips and walk hand-in-hand with the next entertainer to the front of the stage.

Most of the time though, I sit in VIP and counsel the legions of men who suffer from this self-inflicted disease (for a $300/hour+).  “I don’t know why I’m here, I never go to these kinds of places, I don’t want you to think I’m a scumbag, you don’t have to dance, just talk to me. My wife hasn’t slept with me in 6 months, what should I do?”  These are the ones who are unhappy with their pristine Madonna at home; but would never stoop so far as to “cheat” on her.  I love these guys.  They are the bread and butter of the strip club industry.

Of course there are some strip club customers who aren’t quite so pleasant.  There is an unfortunate seedy element to some strip clubs that I choose to ignore.  Some customers ARE misogynists who do cheat on their Madonna-wife because they can only get off when they are with a “whore.”  These are the types that come to strip clubs looking for a “whore” to grope, proposition, and disrespect.  Part of being a SuperStripper is having the tools to weed out these types right away, and to NEVER do anything that is not within your own personal beliefs and values.

We teach all of this and more at SuperStripper Bootcamp to empower women in the gentlemen’s club industry to take control of their lives.

The Lodge is unlike any club I have ever experienced. Check out these local commercials.

From a dancer’s perspective, if I lived in Dallas…. I wouldn’t want to work anyplace else! Much of my opinion is due to the positive reinforcement strategies that owner, Dawn Rizos implements throughout the club. For example, there is NO HOUSE FEE for entertainers who arrive to work on time at 6pm. Dayshift entertainers not only pay no house fee, but are also fed a catered lunch by the club’s Five-Star Restaurant. I had the lobster bisque and crab stuffed halibut; it was delicious!

There is also no mandatory required tip-out to support staff.  This concept was difficult for me to wrap my head around at first (social capital is my best friend at Treasures in Las Vegas.)  However, the club is structured a bit differently.  Instead of “bouncers” and “VIP Hosts,” The Lodge hires managers who are paid a nice salary with full benefits.  Before my shift, the night manager sat down with me for a 20 minute interview before I was allowed to approach the customers.

“Do you do this with everyone?” I asked.

“Absolutely, I want to make sure you are an entertainer, not a stripper” he replied.

Entertainers are rewarded for selling club merchandise, champagne, and VIP memberships through an in-house point system.  There is a full service salon upstairs, in addition to the make-up artists and hair stylists who work each shift.  The Lodge also awards a full college scholarship to one lucky entertainer EVERY YEAR!

Ok, enough about the perks!  The club itself is huge.  The main room is decorated like a hunting lodge.  The Library is decorated….like a library of course.  The upstairs VIP lounge is available only to VIP club members and is decorated like the restaurant in Casa Blanca.  The downstairs VIP lounge is just off of the Library.  I like how each room has a distinctly different vibe.  I also like how I can work one room for an hour, then go to another one and customers say, “Where have YOU been?”

Apparently The Lodge is where the celebrities go when they are in Dallas.  Marilyn Manson tipped me $20 while sitting next to the stage in The Library.  I would have never recognized him.  He’s not a bad looking guy once you take off the scary black and white face paint.

So, did anyone else have a problem answering some of those personality test questions?  I did.

As entertainers, we put a mask on every night.  We wear both a physical mask (hair extensions, fake boobs, fake eyelashes, heavy makeup) and an emotional mask.  For those of you who are relatively new to entertaining, you may still be in the process of developing your Stripper Persona.

I remember talking about Stripper Persona to a newbie one night a few months ago.  She said something to the tune of, “Most guys just don’t seem to like me…that’s just who I am, and I can’t change that”  I told her that she needed to separate her Real Life and her Stripper Persona.  The Stripper Persona isn’t necessarily a whole lot different from the Real Life Persona…it is just amplified.  It’s still you, but it embodies all the qualities that that you want to be….but are too shy to be in your Real Life.

Ironically, after a  while we tend to become more like our Stripper Personas.  I’m not referring to the loud, drunk, and topless aspect; I’m referring to confidence, friendliness, poise, and the ability to socialize with people who aren’t like you.

I first noticed this at the very first Exotic Dancer MBA that I taught with Lia from Starlight Ministries. Lia gave all the participants the Myers-Briggs personality test.  As I was taking the test I had to stop and evaluate some of the simplest questions like: “Do you usually approach and introduce yourself to strangers at a party?”  Avalon would….Rebecca wouldn’t.  “Do you make your decisions quickly by your gut or slowly by anlyzing facts.” Well, Avalon can quickly decide a customer’s personality type and appropriate sale….Rebecca spent YEARS of research to design the system that Avalon uses.

A good friend sent me this link the other day with her results.

The analysis was so accurate I decided to try it myself and posted the results to my Facebook Page:

You Are An ESTJ

The Guardian

You’re a natural leader and a quick, logical decision maker.
Goals are important in your life, and you take many steps to achieve them.
You enjoy interacting with others, mostly through work related activities.
Your high energy level means that you are great at getting things done!

In love, you tend to bring stability to relationships.
You feel comfortable being in charge, and you enjoy being a provider.

At work, you take charge. You thrive in structured environments and don’t mind enforcing the rules.
You would make a great teacher, judge, or police detective.

How you see yourself: Realistic, stable, and pragmatic

When other people don’t get you, they see you as: Rigid, bound to rules, and a bad listener

Although this is a different style of personality profiling than what I teach in DancerWealth, it has similar roots in the early works of Carl Jung and his follower Isabel Myers-Briggs.  If you have time, take the test, you will find out much about yourself.

Why is it important to know this about yourself?  Well, I feel that personal development is an integral part of life.  Unfortunately, many people do not actively work on it.  If you are able to identify your strengths and weaknesses, then you can use that knowledge to make major life decisions better.  If you are married or in a committed relationship, knowing your partner’s strengths and weaknesses can help to temper minor disagreements so they do not escalate into screaming matches.

It can also assist you in finding the right type of work.  for example, as i read deeper into my own ESTJ personality type, I learned that my personality type favors structured environments: which is why I tend to thrive in upscale corporate style clubs that enforce a dress code and other various rules.  To free spirited entertainers who are not ESTJs that environment would completely squash their creativity!

Please, take the test and post your results either here or on Facebook.  You can use the Facebook Connect key to comment on the blog!

Nikita Kash at www.travelingentertainers.com gave me the heads up on the Grand Opening of this club.  I drove by before it opened last week just to scope out the location.  It is actually a brand new building about a mile north of Oasis Gentlemen’s Club.  A few of the Oasis owners are also owners of this club. Here is the blurb from the Philadelphia Inquirer, scroll down to the bottom.

I arrived at 9:30 for the start of my 10-2 shift.  The club is brand new, and yes the tanning bed in the dressing room mentioned in the article is apparently very strong.  The club has a great set-up for the owners and the customers, but it is not optimal from the dancers’ perspective.

The Steakhouse is completely separated from the club with soundproof walls, but has several large windows for the diners to watch the main stage.  The rest of the main seating area is a huge 100 foot long  plus bar.  There are two small nooks each with two tables for seating, otherwise you have to sit at the bar.  After the three song rotation on the main stages, which is basically an island surrounded by the bar, the dancers do a tip walk around the inside of the bar perimeter to collect their dollars.  It reminded me of Mr J’s in Southern California, where after the stage set each entertainer got a dollar from every patron.   I think it gives a very personal touch, since every customer gets to meet every entertainer before the lapdance sale pressure.  From the dancer’s perspective it gives  a chance to pre-screen the guys sitting at the bar before approaching for the lap dance sale.  On each of my tip walks I was told to come back when I was done.

There are no main floor dances.  How can you when there are no chairs?  The bar also made it difficult to approach the customers from the front.  Think about it: when you sit at a bar you sit facing forward, and in this case it’s looking at the stage.  This forces the entertainer to approach EVERY customer in the bar from behind, which is the worst way to approach someone.

All dances are done in either the $20 couch dance room or the half hour and hour champagne rooms.  The club counts how many couch dances each performer sells and takes 25% of all lapdance sales ….and 55% of champagne room time.  I thought the 55% cut was a bit high, especially since the base stage fee was $30. At Delilah’s the stage fee is $65, and I can keep 100% of my lapdance and champagne room earnings.

I’m actually quite surprised at the vast difference in pricing structure for similar clubs in the same city.  Even though Delilahs has (apparently) the highest stage fee in town,  any entertainer who does more than 7 dances in an evening will end up paying more to the house at Christine’s than she will at Delilah’s.

So, this is a no brainer: Panda and Curtis have a business meeting in Philly next week.  Given their tendency to spend multiple hours in the Champagne room…should I meet them at Delilahs where I charge and keep  $400/hour.  Or should I take my generous and loyal clients to Christine’s where the house will charge them $500/hour, and I keep $240?

The How to use Twitter to Market Your Stripping Business video I scripted three weeks ago was a bit outdated when I went to record it yesterday. Despite some reports that Twitter’s growth has suddenly stopped, it’s appearance in Time Magazine and my mom’s announcement that she signed up to follow her church’s mission group work solidify my belief that it is here to stay. Nevertheless, I had to change some of the content. I am glad that Twitter is adding verified accounts. I spent a lot of time setting up satellite email addresses so I could claim all of the Twitter Handles that could be associated with StripandGrowRich (DancerWealth, DancerWise, SuperStripper, etc) I don’t plan on using them all, but in the copycat world of online business I don’t want someone to snatch up my brand name and pretend to be me. Just last week, St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa sued Twitter over a bogus account.

Although the step by step process of How to use Twitter to Passively Market your Stripping Business is in the member’s video section, you can see my finished product at http://twitter.com/stripgrowrich I spent a few hours tweaking it today.

Are you on Twitter?

From the SuperStripper perspective, this club gets an A+++

Hiring: There is no audition. I went during the night shift on Thursday night with the Official StripandGrowRich attorneys: Scott Sigman and Rich Rochlin. Members-keep your eyes peeled for the new Legal Section of the SGR Forums. I like to check out a club before I work there, so we sat at a table and I observed. After speaking to the general manager Alp, I was hired on the spot in my street clothes. We then went into the office to fill out paperwork and photocopy my ID. The odd part was the mandatory front/back photo. I was asked to strip down to my panties and bra (which of course….I wasn’t wearing under my Black House/White Market fitted corset-top) So I just stripped down to my Victoria Secret cotton v-string “Hey, this is a topless bar right?” I joked and smiled for the digital camera. Apparently this is standard procedure. Alp then introduced me to one of the owners, a petite brunette about my age and the housemom. I asked to start right away, and Alp made sure the day housemom knew I was going to show up at 4pm for orientation. I was told to not wear makeup because they gave me the 4:30 appointment with the makeup artist. “Oh, that’s ok, I usually get ready at home so I can hit the floor right away.”

Orientation: The club has a very effective and welcoming procedure. The housemom greeted me and found a locker for me right away. I figured I would get a day use locker, but she actually wrote my name on the small 12×12 door. I was happy: it was big enough to stick my purse, money, makeup, and anything I don’t want stolen from my dancerbag.

All new Delilah’s entertainers get one week of free house fees and six sessions of free make-up applications. I sat right down in the makeup chair as soon as I locked my personal belongings. There is a makeup artist present all day for every shift.

Then I watched the 15 minute orientation video. It was definitely better than the Treasures PowerPoint presentation. The video was filmed in the club and went over all the rules and regulations. There was even a short section on sales and how to make more money.

After the video, I was introduced to Tori, who was my guide that night. I like the personal touch of having another dancer show the new dancer around rather than a housemom or manager rush through the orientation process. Tori showed me the three different VIP areas, the price breakdowns, explained the stage rotation, and introduced me to the DJ. She also stayed with me for the first hour and introduced me to some of the regular bar patrons, and pointed out timewasters, limited buyers, and potential VIP candidates (you know…the ones who like to try out every “new” girl)

Club Set Up: The club has 3 VIP areas. The upstairs Ruby Lounge is just for Black and Gold Delilah’s Club members. Dances are $20 and really the only difference between this lounge and the downstairs bar is that you need to be a member.
The Champagne and Red Rooms are downstairs. Bottles start at $160 and my time is $300/hour. Pretty standard.

Main Floor and Stage: The long runway stage is time consuming. Three songs when it’s slow, four songs when it’s busy. It is also very high isolated from the crowd. Only the last song which is performed on the center part of the stage is there even a possibility of getting tipped. The other stage locations don’t have a tip “rail” and the entertainer is about 10 feet from the patrons.

Dances are $20 both on the floor and in the private couch dance area. I found it odd that the private couch dance area was not an upsell. In Vegas, these would be equivalent to a 3 for $100 area.

Clientele and Environment: Older and wealthy. The majority of the customers I observed Thursday night were in dress shirts (screams traveling businessman to me) On Friday night there were a few bachelor parties and more casually dressed patrons. Since stage involves 3-4 songs, the DJ controls the music genre. This is smart, because he plays to the crowd instead what a bratty 19 year old stripper wants to hear. On Thursday night it was mostly classic rock with some oldies mixed in. I don’t think I’ve heard “Why do you build me up, Buttercup” played in a strip club before….and none of the girls complained about the music. Friday night the DJ played more top 40 and hip hop cross over music for the younger crowd.

The staff was very friendly. All of the floormen took the time to introduce themselves to me, and introduced me to a few VIP tables. Since Alp was not working that night, the manager on duty also took the time to introduce himself to me.

LockerRoom: “Everything you need is here!” Tori said. She’s right. There was a shower, bathroom stalls, tanning bed, makeup, shoes and costumes for sale by one merchant, jewelry and sparkly barrettes by another merchant. There were towels (if you needed a shower) a cabinet full of lotion, hairspray, bodyspray, toiletries, aspirin, tampons, calamine lotion, cotton balls, etc. Basically the dressing room was a mini Walgreens for a $15 minimum tip out. The buffet table: every shift has food for the entertainers. Spinach dip, crackers, chips and salsa, Hershey minis, fruit and veggie plate. Everything you would find at a holiday party. How do they expect the girls to stay thin?

Fees and Tip Out: $65 by 7pm, $85 by 9pm. Apparently these are the highest fees in Philly. If you work 4 shifts, the rest are free for the week. $15 minimum tip out to the housemom. Just the fabulous buffet in the dressing room is worth $15! $10 minimum to the DJ. No required tip out to security. “They are paid a salary by the club. You can tip them if you like, but don’t feel pressured to do so” the housemom told me. If you are local, they require a 3 day a week schedule to be submitted 2 weeks ahead of time. However, they welcome traveling entertainers and don’t require them to submit a schedule.

I think I’m going to visit Mom more often now….

Meet Me in VIP

A story like this surfaces every few months.  One day, when I have the time, I  will go back and research the court documents to follow up on the OUTCOME of each case.  It makes the mainstream news when the suit is first made public, but somehow seems to disappear by the time a resolution surfaces.

Situations like this reflect the precise reason why most clubs  hire exotic dancers as  independent contractors instead of employees.  Notice, Mr Ireland decided to sue the CLUB not the entertainer.  Yet  to what extent is  the club responsible for an entertainer’s conduct?

I really do think  that one day soon, some schmuck like Mr. Ireland is going to win a silly lawsuit like this.  Stranger things have happened: remember the lady who sued McDonalds because she spilled hot coffee in her lap and the judge awarded several million dollars….and it is going to change the way club managers and owners hire and train their front line sales staff.

In retrospect, there was a better way this entertainer could have dealt with the situation.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.  As soon as Mr. Ireland physically assaulted her, she could have alerted security and had him escorted out of the building.  Also, why the club allowed Mr. Ireland to continue consuming alcohol at their establishment after he 1. assaulted their sales staff and 2. refused medical care is a mystery to me.

I love summertime!  However, it is notoriously “The Slow Season” in many markets across the country.  This is especially true in Phoenix and Las Vegas, where temperatures reach the one-teens and tourists tend to head to the beach instead of the desert.

Does this mean that there’s no money to be made?  Of course not!

It just means that YOU have to be on top of your GAME!   Social Darwinism is prevalent in EVERY Strip Club.  You may have heard this referred to as “survival of the fittest.”  In our case, the Fittest in the Strip Club are the ones who can close sales.  I have always regarded summer as the time when I can practice my skills without worrying if I’m “losing out” on a better sale somewhere else in the busy club.

I had an interesting conversation with someone this week, who said “Well, I can’t sell dances if no one walks in the door.”  This is where the Pareto Principal comes into play.  this is the 80/20 Rule of business.  It is a loose rule that refers to the idea that 80% of your business comes from 20% of your clients.  Yes, there will be nights that you have no influence over who walks in the door.  However, if you learn and apply the Consistency and Reciprocity Hot Buttons you CAN build a base clientele that will walk in the door regardless of what season it is.

If you are new to stripping, and you don’t have an established base…it’s never too late to get started!

Back by popular demand: a 1 year membership to Dancerwealth is up for auction on eBay

Have a fun and safe Memorial Day Weekend!  Don’t catch on fire!  Either in or outside the club!