Kudos to Donovan for writing his first ever blog post yeterday. I was SWAMPED and he thankfully stepped into lighten my workload.
I got some great feedback via comments and Twitter, especially from catskills who said, “I’m not sure what the relevance of this drama article is to your site?” It was then that I went back and re-read the post and realized that we forgot one minor detail….The scathing message delivered via Facebook’s automated system outed Donovan’s participation in the strip club industry to his ultra-conservative mom, sister, brother, old friends, etc on his real-name Facebook page.
I wrote about my experience last summer when I finally told my conservative Christian mother I was a stripper. I hid it for eight and half years, and was actually a little bit surprised that she didn’t know or suspect it. Of course why would she: I lived and danced 3,000 miles away from my hometown, and when I went to visit her I didn’t sneak out to the strip club after she went to bed! After Donovan’s debacle, I feel lucky that I was able to disclose my personal information to my mom, the way I wanted to, at a time that I felt was appropriate. To insure that you have the same luxury, I’ve devised this list to proactively protect your personal information.
Steps to take to avoid being outed as a Stripper
- Maintain separate social networking sites for your real name and your stage name. I denied a lot of StripperFriends access to my real name Facebook page (unless it was their real name page too, and nothing strip club oriented was on there)
- Have different profile pics on your real name and stage name pages
- Use a face-less photo in your avatar on the stage name page, make it private and only allow people you approve to see your albums
- Have a separate email address that is connected to your social networking logins. If you use your real name email to register for Facebook, then your real life contacts can search Facebook for profiles of people who are in their email contact list. (Yes…I found this out the hard way!)
- Delete loose cannons from your real name Facebook ASAP
If Someone Outs You…what do you do now?
Every situation is different. Nevertheless, your true friends are revealed rather quickly. I personally just hold my head high. I’m not doing anything illegal, I am financially independent, and unlike most people I LOVE my job! I honestly feel more respected by the patrons and staff at the gentlemen’s club than I EVER was by the parents and administration in the public school system. My mom repeated precisely what my Methodist minister dad would have said if he were still with us, “I may not like what you are doing, but I love you anyway.”
Even though lying by omission is still lying, most people understand why you didn’t disclose that information. So take the first step and apologize for the duplicity. Unfortunately, as I wrote about last month, some people just can’t handle the truth which is the reason for the nondiscolure in the first place. If that person is a so-called “friend” it’s easy to sever ties; it’s much more complicated when it is a family member or boss.
If you’ve been outed to co-workers, or your boss, check to see if your contract has a no-moonlighting clause. I was always worried about getting caught stripping while I was an elementary school teacher. However, I’ve discussed with several attorneys that the only way a teacher can get fired is if she signs a moonlighting or morality (popular in the conservative Bible Belt states) clause. I chuckle at that…when I was stripping to supplement my whopping $500/week teacher salary, it was not on school grounds, did not involve minors, and was perfectly legal. There was another teacher in the school who a total pot-head. He supplemented his income too. He got caught and got sent to rehab, no headlines, just a PAID mental health leave of absence. If I had gotten caught stripping, I surely would have been placed on UNPAID administrative leave for “disorderly conduct.” Our society is weird.
An another note….Donovan’s post also made me reflect on the societal stereotypes that male strip-club employees and contractors must face. I guess that is why people in the industry tend to date each other. My male bartender, manager, and DJ friends always tell me hard it is to date women with straight jobs. Apparently, it’s just as tough to be introduced to her parents as “A Strip Club DJ”
Tags: exotic dancer, how do I tell parents I'm a stripper, strip club, stripper
I dunno why…I just haven’t been that concerned with negative repercussions of people finding out. It’s not like I put it out there, I just don’t CARE that other people might dislike it enough to judge me and/or not want me to be a part of their lives. I’m young, but I’m already SO over people pleasing.
A lot of women don’t realize that self-esteem comes from SELF, not what your family, friends, or next door neighbor think of you.
Its a shame that some people are so selfish that they have to hurt others to be at peace with themselves. I hope that girl got the closure she so desperately needed to move on with her life. What kind of person does that? Oh- I know, someone who is trying to bait you to do something back so she can stay in your life. The opposite of love isn’t hate, its apathy.
I wish my “outing” myself as a stripper went over better with my folks but it didn’t unfortunately. They reacted in a way that has made me believe to this day that they would have rather me lie to them than tell them the truth. It makes it hard for me to really talk with them as they don’t want to hear ANYTHING about it. They can’t get past their own prejudices and misconceptions to see how it can be of benefit to me and it is a legitimate business (thus I have been a business woman + entrepreneur all these years not “just a stripper’). As business people themselves, I would have thought me trying to be my own business person and not someone’s employee would be applauded.
Nope. I’m a stripper. It isn’t a legitimate business.
Generally speaking, I usually only surround myself with those who will judge me as a person first and foremost … not based upon my “businesses/jobs”… however you have to take every situation and relationship as it comes. At least my work from home businesses can help in this area. Even if they are not the majority of my income, I will say I do it because (unfortunately) there are a lot more negatives to being open all the time in re this industry than … pet sitting/animal care.
Yes, I find it facinating that I spend roughly about the same amount of hours working out/teaching classes in the fitness industry, and trading the stock market as I do stripping. However, I’m sure people think of me as “The Stripper” more than “The Yoga Instructor” or “The Options Trader”