Hello Ladies (and Gentlemen)!
Avalon asked me to post on here today so here goes…
I recently got out of a very intense but short relationship- 9.5 weeks- pun intended.
Yes, she’s a dancer, and no, I’m not telling where or any identifying details. If you take anything away from any relationship, you MUST take the LESSON you were supposed to learn, or you’re doomed to repeat it. I call it “Relationship Groundhog Day”- you know, like the movie with Bill Murray?
While our passion and connection were never in question, I kept thinking in the back of my mind that there were ever-increasing long term incompatibilities racking up. I appreciated the fact that she was so open and honest with me about her faults. You have to be if it’s going to work, right?
So the lesson I learned was to be more open and honest about my doubts and issue areas earlier on. If I had let my concerns be known earlier, the DRAMA that ensued would not have been so bad. I also learned that my lower floor for age difference was there for a reason and I violated it for the last time (sounds good on paper anyway).
So what was the drama? All was quiet for about 3 weeks, then let’s make this potentially long story a short one by saying out of the blue I got a very unflattering, immature Facebook posting that I caught within 30 seconds of it going onto my profile. Phew, right??
WRONG! Because several people posted responses to it, (my posting about Facebook’s incessant ads for singles) they all got a copy of this scathing email in their inboxes!! Not once, but twice before said ex-girlfriend-turned-scorned psycho posted it again before I could delete her out of my friends! So my mom, my sister, and my aunt, among others- got to read all of the drama. Now I have to do triage with all of them. Thanks, Facebook, and thanks drama queen.
Dancers are regular people before they are dancers, and we all have feelings. I just need to do a better job of stating my concerns earlier and defusing drama. True, with some people it doesn’t matter what you do because they thrive on the dramatic, but I saw it coming! Fool me once…I learned my lesson!
Tell me about your drama in the comment area below…
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I’ve read recently in a few texts/exposes on relationships that red flags are so apparent in the beginning stages of a relationship, but that we end up getting hurt/taken advantage of because we do not heed the warnings…we walk into relationships so blinded by the intense feelings and everything involved in the ‘honeymoon phase’ that it’s easy to blow off the fundamental incompatibilities you speak of. We all do it. Even when we KNOW we are in the midst of it…we are wired to love
Wow, I’m sorry you are dealing with all of this. She sounds pretty crazy! Apparently she wasn’t mature enough to realize that your relationship was between the two of you and not everyone else!
It’s sad that when people break up they have to practically build up walls around themselves to keep out the arrows from the ex.
This reminds me of something that happened a few years ago though. I had a friend that wanted so badly to be married and happy that she met this guy and was married to him about 3 months later. It turned out that he had some serious shopping addictions and they were literally broke within weeks. She divorced him, and the arrows ensued. While she was out of town he posted nude photos of her all over the internet including to her boss and on our tight knit community forums. This was at about 6 am and apparently I was the only one awake that early. I tried to call her but she was out of town. Within minutes I had the police department on the phone, yahoo, and myspace. He’d hacked her accounts and put them up on all of her public profiles. We managed to get them down before my friend even saw the initial string of events, but he kept these activities up for months and destroyed her life almost. It’s been years and she’s still not fully recovered from the problems. The moral of the story is be careful who you get involved with.
all I can say is that apparently she’ll never make enough money in this industry to understand the value of learning the sales & investing system early on!
I am so sorry you had to deal with the immaturity of someone else. She is not only making you look bad ( which you don’t deserve) she’s making everyone in her profession look poorly as well. I hope you are doing better and yes you have to learn many lessons before you find the person whom you can share them with happily. Good luck hun.
Sounds brutal. Sorry to hear about that. Sadly though, it sometimes takes a while to really get to know someone, and often times the really bad stuff comes out when it is too late. As makenzie said, sometimes these things are right in front of our faces but we are too blinded to see see it. I’m sure if you knew the type of person she was (psycho bitch) you would not have gotten involved in the first place. Hope things work out.
Wow, how awful! I’m so sorry. Crazy women are crazy women, though, and I am certain this woman would have exhibited the same behavior if she’d been a bartender or a mortgage broker.
I second Avalon’s advice to delete recent exes from Facebook!
Soooo true! I’ve met some nut jobs who are still employed as elementary school teachers!
I’d like to reiterate a couple of points. First, Makenzie is right. As the writer of Sex, Love and Dharma says, “The end is in the beginning.” If we listen at the front end of a relationship, then we can usually see how it’s going to end (if, indeed, it does end).
Second, kudos to Susan for pointing out the obvious (or should-be obvious). The drama you experienced had nothing to do with the fact that this woman is a stripper. I know a lot of mature exotic dancers who would never dream of exposing someone that they once cared about to such vitriolic rage.
Better luck next time!
I got serious with a girl in college who I later found out was a former stripper. We started living together and then about 6 months later started stripping again. The attention, the constant adventure, the job security, high pay and instant mobility added a great deal of DRAMA to our lives. Eventually, it became clear that she still wanted to travel and experience life without being encumbered with a guy. When she took off, I didn’t follow.
If I had never met her I would have saved myself a world of heartbreak but I also would have missed out on some great experiences too. However, when it comes to affairs of the heart, use caution. This article has some points which I found were unfortunately true with her. It was creepy.
http://www.identitytheory.com/insight/bruns9.html
Well I dated a girl who was not a stripper at first, and then became one out of necessity to get through nursing school and that was supposed to be it. Before stripping and the first couple months of it, she was in love with me and looked at us as a long term relationship. We were in love with each other and would do anything for each other. She was understanding that it bothered me and agreed she would just get through school and then be done with it. That compromising and understanding attitude came to an end after she got used to it! She loved stripping! She was a hot one and she is good at it! She made $1000 a week, and then she didn’t give a shit if I like it or not, if I didn’t she said beat it! I had difficulty at first dealing with it, but we talked about it and she said I didn’t have anything to worry about, and I did get over it and it became something hot for our sex lives. The funny thing is she was more trustworthy than my previous 2 girlfriends and she was a stripper!
Ultimately what happened is she started taking me for granted and calling me a cheap ass and shit like that. She had ZERO tolerance for me after a while and she quit being nice to me; she was always shitty to me. A relationship takes the desire of two people to work. This job stripped her desire to be with me!
I don’t care who you are, doing that job will affect you in a negative way. You will become desensitized to other people’s feelings and not give a shit about anyone but yourself!