It’s actually Day Six. I have never worked 6 nights in a row. I didn’t write Tuesday night up as a Superbowl Stripper Diary. I should have because that was the night the LapDance Police handed out tickets.
9pm: I don my all time favorite costume: The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader get up made famous by BritneyIreland at Mr. J’s in Santa Ana, CA. I wore that outfit all the time back then. These days I take it out of the closet for Halloween and Superbowl Sunday. I stand at the top of the mainstage balcony, and it looks like this:
Yeah, no customers yet.
9:30pm: I’ve-been-a-strip-club-bouncer-for-FIVE-days says, “Avalon, I have a dance for you.” OK, it’s time to start constructive coaching for the new guy with a great attitude. I ask him how long they have been here, do they have a drink yet, have they taken their coats off? “Well, they tipped me really well to bring them the best girls in the house because they don’t have much time before their flight leaves….” I smile. I’ve-been-a-strip-club-bouncer-for-FIVE-days has learned a lot in three days.
9:31pm: Gus from Boston and I instantly click. Turns out he’s a Sagittarius Cusp baby AND a Sheep (Chinese Astrology) Hokey, but I when I instantly click with someone I always ask if they are a Libra, Sag, or Aquarius. I’m right 100% of the time. In Astrology, you are most compatible with your sign, and the ones that are two spaces away in the Zodiac. In Chinese Astrology, you are most compatible with persons born in the years that are multiples of 4 from your birth year. So since I was born in 1975, I’m theoretically most compatible with those born in 1967, 1971, 1979, 1983. Ironically, my husband Vinnie is an Aquarius born in 1971. My best friends have always been Librans, Sags, and Aquarians. I’m not totally sold on Chinese Astrology. Neither is Gus from Boston. He hopped on a plane at 6am Boston time, went to the Superbowl, and was hopping a red eye home. 10 hours in flight for a 4 hour football game. The lengths that men will go to….
10:30pm Gus has to cut our hour short or else he’ll miss his flight. He took good care of me…I took good care of I’ve-been-a-strip-club-bouncer-for-FIVE-days. The floodgates opened, The pit is full and VIP is beginning to fill up. I start turning my tabledances on the floor. $20 bills were cartoonishly floating above the heads of just about everyone in the house.
11pm: Extravaganza! I sell my Christie’s glow in the dark pen to Jack from Jacksonville. He is a Lear get engineer. One of his clients was having technical difficulties with his Lear jet, so he flew Jack out to fix it…. Poor Jack missed the actual game because he was working on the Lear jet, so his client made it up to him by taking him to Christie’s.
12am: Extravaganza! I’m the feature entertainer, so I don’t have to sell anything. That sounds really special….but it just means that my turn to dance onstage was during the “buy two dances and get a free Christie’s item” extravaganza. Barry from Boston who I ended the night with on Friday was seated at the tip rail. He used the VIP passes I gave him. Yay!
The next hour was spent plucking guys off the floor one by one, leading them upstairs, and doing private VIP tabledances. Sal from Scranton, Cal from Connecticut (who got puked on by the drunk outta town girl last night) Hal from Halifax who insisted I was the girl from Florida he sat with in VIP last night for 2 hours…uh..nope, not me.
1:15am: Val from Vancouver beckons me over. “Will you take care of my friend Van over there. He’s been watching you all night. I don’t care what it costs.” So I approach the nicely dressed mid-fiftyish man with a Rolex watch. He smiles and says…”Its about time!” There were lots of zeros floating cartoonishly over Van from Vancouver’s head.
Van turned out to be my generous gentleman who had enough cash he didn’t need to use his credit card. And he was totally normal! I did a few dances and then he said, “Will you just sit down, I’d rather talk to you.” He is a real estate developer so we talked shop about foreclosure rates in my neighborhood, average rent vs median home price, etc. He doesn’t go to stripclubs in Vancouver because they’re not the same at Christie’s. Yeah….we strippers know about guys who come down from Canada.
2:15am: Lights come on. Day Six is done.
Foxy Boxing is tonight @ CCP. Six rounds of scantily clad chicks duking it out for a free boob job. Not my schtick. Matt Damon (the bouncer, not the actor) is egging me on to do it, not for the boob job, just so he can hustle bets with customers against me. I teach Box-Aerobics, which really does not qualify me to go head to head with someone of my stature who has ever ACTUALLY hit someone.
So, on the seventh day….Avalon is resting.
Tags: champagne room, exotic dancer, strip club, stripper, superbowl, superbowl stripper, superstripper, vip room