I’ve got this Vegas thing down to a science. Believe it or not, I’m a minimalist and can fit everything I need into one conveniently sized leopard print carry-on suitcase. Not too obvious, huh? At least I refuse to wear the off-duty stripper uniform, the hot pink velour tracksuit, while traveling. I actually have fun dressing up in my “professional businesswoman” clothes, putting my hair in a bun, wearing my reading glasses, and flipping open my laptop to CNBC while at the airport.
The only problem with not checking luggage is that my “professional businesswoman” cover is blown at security. Even though the laptop is tucked neatly underneath two folded normal clothes outfits and toiletry bag…it sits on top of three stripper gowns, four rhinestone encrusted gstrings, makeup kit, and of course 6 inch rhinestone stilettos.
Soooo…I basically empty my entire leopard print suitcase and separate it’s contents into three gray plastic bins. In the first bin goes the toiletry bag has to be screened separately: all those 3 oz bottles of body spray, shampoo, conditioner, facial cleanser, moisturizer, zit cream. Oh, and my tylenol bottle that has various pain relievers, vitamins, and fitness supplements goes in that bin too. I always hope they don’t question why I have so many different brightly colored pills in one bottle. I can’t get through a double shift without my Venom (the absolute BEST fatburner in the world!) The laptop goes in another bin.
After taking all of these items out of the leopard print bag and placing them in the gray bins….the underlying stripper gear is exposed. So I usually just shove the leopard print suitcase in the third bin along with my purse and shoes. Security has never actually stopped me and examined the 6 inch metal spiked heels. If they do, I have absolutely no problem holding up the rhinestone panties, the boarding pass to Vegas, pointing to my boobs, and asking them, “Gee…what do you think I’m going to do with those shoes?”
Hmmm…maybe I’ll wear my hot pink velour tracksuit after all.
I’ll be at Scores Tuesday and Wednesday nights if you are in town for CES. My stage name is Norma Jean….not that security would have a friggin clue who Norma Jean was if she was requested….just look for the 6 foot 2 Nordic blonde in a sparkly Swarovski rhinestone encrusted g-string.
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