Last night was just another blatant example of how the universe makes sure that you get back what you give.
There is a convention in town of Meat Packers. The Porky’s Pork company decided to conclude it’s annual meeting at Christies Cabaret. There were about 6 of the top guys in the club, sitting at two separate tables. The first table of four, good-looking guys in their early to mid thirties went upstairs first. Dang it! I knew I should have stayed and talked to that one guy a little longer. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all….and he was giving me the “What do I get upstairs” line. I hate that line, it’s so tacky. You get a lapdance in a plush recliner away from “Hose-A” and “Hose-B” sitting behind you leering.
So I was walking through “the cave” (an alcove of the club to the left of main stage) and an older gentleman waved me over. I sat down, we chatted a bit. He was a spritely man in his mid-late fifties. He was sitting with a younger mid-thirties guy from CA. Outta nowhere the head guy from the VIP table came over,”Hey Mark, we got a VIP room, girls, and a coupla bottles of champagne, find a girl and bring her up, it’s on me.” I love those words. It’s music to my ears!
Only problem was that Mark’s companion, also named Mark didn’t have a girl. In some cases, guys don’t care who they sit with and trust me to find a “good one” for them. However, Mark II wanted Trixie. Who? I never heard of Trixie before. So I went over to Matt Damon (the bouncer who looks like….Matt Damon) and told him to get Trixie. He didn’t know her either….but a few minutes later he showed up with Jaden. Typical strip club switcheroo….when in doubt bring the girl who tips YOU out the most. Mark I slipped me a Franklin and said “thanks for being patient with us, I know you’re time is precious.”
So we walk Mark I and Mark II upstairs and join the rest of the Porky’s Pork party. We sit down the the plush leather wingback and Mark I says to me, “Its so nice to finally get a smart one! I usually get stuck with the dingy one who can’t hold a conversation to save her life.”
Sweet. That was Clue 2 that Mark I was my night in shining armor that night. For the next two hours we talked about everything under the sun: his teenage kids, the affair he had with a Christie’s dancer 10 years ago, his former job as a meat salesman at Porky’s Pork (apparently he’s legendary b/c the guys kept coming up and patting him on the back) politics, my social liberalism vs his conservatism. I never even took my gown off. I love nights like this.
Towards the end, the guy who was paying for the whole thing (lets call him Fucker) came over and started whining at me, “You need to dance for him! I paid you 500 dollars and all you’ve done is run your mouth! Now go make out with her, I want to watch!” Ugh. This was the same guy who asked me what he got in VIP.
I rolled my eyes at him. I think that made him even madder, “I have a woman at home that doesn’t do what I say, I’m paying you to do what I say so you have to do it.” he ranted.
“Actually, I don’t have to do anything you tell me to do. But I will dance for her, she’s a hottie.” I walked over to the drunk girl sprawled out on the couch, took off my gown and straddled her. She was new, I had never seen her before so I introduced myself as I gave her a lap dance.
“How did you do that?” she asked me “You’ve been up here for 2 hours and you haven’t done a single dance yet. I’ve been passed around between these 4 guys, each of them trying to cop a cheap feel and saying nasty things. And we’re getting paid the same amount!!!”
“Make out! Make out!” Fucker and the two guys hovering over us chanted.
“This is not a football game!” I told them. “And I just met her, I’m not going to swap spit with anyone I just met!” I said firmly.
Then I turned my attention back to the poor drunk girl. “You get back what you put out there. If you act like a dumb bimbo, they will treat you like a dumb bimbo. Not all customers want a dumb bimbo, but obviously these fuckers do. You acted like one, I’m guessing you told them that they could get more VIP so obviously they are treating you like a dumb bimbo and touching you like a piece of meat…and you let them.”
“Thats it! Stop talking! Cut! You are out of here!” Fucker ranted. I think he was on something more than alcohol.
Mark I motioned for me to come toward him. “I’m going to leave too, I’m sorry for my colleague’s behavior. He’s got champagne taste and a beer budget, so he doesn’t know how to behave appropriately sometimes” then he slipped me another Ben.
“Thank you.” I said and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Do come back again!”
“And good riddance!” Fucker called out to my back. What a loser. I feel bad for the drunk girl who had to sit with him for two hours and make $200 LESS than I did. Fucker is not the type of guy who would tip, I’ll bet the house on it.
Yes. All was fair and balanced in the universe last night
Tags: christie's cabaret, closing sale, customers, dancerwealth, difficult customers, entertaining, phoenix, strip club, superstripper, vip party, vip room